What happens between the days of childhood, when you know what you want to be, and the days of today, when you still are trying to decide, but you're already working 8-5 plus have a second job on the weekends, wondering what else you want in your life?
Seriously. I don't know.
To be completely honest with you, I never fully knew what I wanted to do. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, in college. I still don't know what, if I ever do, I'd like to go to grad school for.
I stumbled across my own blog today, with a sort of, "oh, that's right...I used to write in this" attitude. Sort of like "oh, I used to write fiction." Used to.
When I was a little girl, I told my mom I wanted to be, among other things, a mermaid and a ballerina. (Can you tell I liked swimming and dancing? And, if you remember I was a child born in the eighties and grew up with Ariel, you might add in singing.) Later, after realizing I liked to draw, I decided I wanted to be an artist. When I realized I was not very good, I decided I wanted to write. I liked reading, after all! Then in college, where I had no real plan, I decided to major in everything that I enjoyed.
What's the key here? Everything I enjoyed.
I am no ballerina. I still love to dance...I teach Zumba and social dance. I don't write fiction much anymore...although I still make up stories for myself. I keep hoping to get back to it. And today, with the help of my majors, which I enjoy, I write for a special program on one of our local radio channels--at least, time to time. I teach two kids Latin, one of my favorite subjects. Heck, I work at a museum. Every day.
I didn't write my novel masterpiece. I forget about done of the little things and side hobbies. But I have to be me. You have to be you. We have to be who we are.
Am I happy? I think I am. And when that changes, I'll be on to the next thing. You can't live well if you hate your work, ugh ink. I take that to heart.
But you also can't hate yourself for not living up to your dreams. One must make their dreams their own.
I'm glad I have this little blog to return to. No matter how far one strays, the blogosphere remains.