Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Alternate Version Blogfest--Happy April Fools Day!

So, it's been some time. I've left my poor followers hanging out there in blogdom. I can see you were all busy...I was, too. But it kept me away from the blog.

However, Blogfests always pull me back, whether I'm prepared for them or not. Today, very last-minute, I signed up for two more, bringing the total of April 'fests I'm taking part in up to four--Tara @ Secret Story's bar scene blogfest (Eep, I have no idea what to share, for that); Anne Riley's murder scene blogfest! (Is saying hurray acceptable? I do know what I want to post for this, I think); and Kelly @ Kelly's Compositions' First Page blogfest (ugh...I hate my first pages!); and at last, tomorrow's, the Alternate Version Blogfest, hosted by Livia Blackburne, in which she tells us to write a small scene in a different style. OK. As usual, I'm not prepared, but not about to be left behind...so below it the beginning of a short story I wrote which I realize needs some work, and the alternate form(s) it has taken. Really a lot of fun, though mine are sort of off the wall...I feel like I cheated, really.

Happy April Fools Day, everyone!

*The original version*

Skin. That was all he could see. A wide expanse of skin, smooth and creamy and untouched. He imagined himself reaching out, pressing his warmth to the cold. It was so white.

Emerson Talbot Fredericks, Esq. looked away and turned back to his work as she flitted around. She knew what she was doing, he was sure. She dressed just the right way, wearing clothes that curved where she did. He shook his head. “Annie, can you leave or stay quiet? I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Sorry,” she said, turning. The expanse of skin was covered as she straightened. He tried not to stare at her lip while she bit it. “I didn’t think I was making that much noise.”

The *Rulebook* version

To improve interoffice relationships, please be mindful of your coworkers.
*Men/women must wear non-distracting, office dress.
*Men/women should respect each other in regards to how they wish to be treated.
*Men/women must maintain appropriate noise levels in office.
*Men/women must not solicit each other.


And, for good measure, the *Zombie version* (FYI, I know little to nothing about Zombies. Feel free to point out errors!)

Skin. That was all he could see. A wide expanse of skin, smooth and creamy and untouched. He imagined himself reaching out, pressing his warmth to the cold. It was so white. And he was so hungry.

Emerson Talbot Fredericks, Esq., tried to look away. He fought against himself. He turned back to his work, trying to remember that he had liked her once, had known her once, before he became what he was now. They had walked the streets together, carrying their axes, ready to swing them into the others.

But now, she was under his possession, and he freshly changed, freshly bitten himself. Now, she looked like a meal, and her bare skin didn't help. He shook his head. “Annie, can you leave?”

“Sorry,” she said, turning. The expanse of skin was covered as she straightened. He tried not to stare at her lip while she bit it. Beauty and brains, and all he wanted was...braaains. She would make a lot of noise.

17 comments:

Stephanie Thornton said...

Hehehe! That's great! I never would have thought of doing a zombie version- hilarious!

Oh! I think I saw that you entered the Cleopatra's Daughter contest at Muse in the Fog. I'm having a similar contest right now. I wish I could win myself- I want the coin!

Just Another Sarah said...

Oh! I am so there!

Thanks!

Dawn Embers said...

That is awesome for someone who claims to have been not prepared. My favorite is actually the zombie version and I know nothing of zombies. Never watched a zombie movie (even though I was supposed to for debate, don't ask) and never read a zombie book. But that one is very amusing. All he wants is brains. lol

Great job with this blogfest entry.

Amalia T. said...

Hahaha!! The Zombies were great!! All of these are good, Sarah! I don't think you cheated any more than I did :)

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

I had a lot of fun reading your versions -- all very creative! Loved the zombie version (and he was so hungry) :)

Iapetus999 said...

Braaainnnssss

My only complaint is that I want to know what part of skin was exposed? Her back? Her chest? Her bald head? Her ankles?
I just didn't have a sense of what the heck he was looking at.

Speaking of which, it's lunchtime, and the kids a looking tasty.
:)

Raquel Byrnes said...

I love the voice of your first entry! Clothes that curved when she did is a great line.

Oh, and the line about how she would make a lot of noise is wonderful.

Great Job!

Jordan said...

Braaaains! Hilarious!

Peta Jinnath Andersen said...

All he wanted was...braaaains.

Love it!

"Expanse of skin" threw me for a second, especially the second time, because I was distracted figuring out what she was baring. At the end, I figured it was her back/hips/stomach, though.

Word verification: afolo - the way zombies feel when they've had too many braaaaaaains?

Just Another Sarah said...

Yeah...thus (one reason, anyway) the need to clean it up! I realized it wasn't too clear last night, and yet didn't fix it...so just so everyone is clear...it's her lower back. :)

Thanks for the reviews!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Ewww, zombies. But well done. It made me cringe. lol.

Just Another Sarah said...

Oh! I finally have time to comment on your sweet comments!

Dawn: Thanks! Sadly, I never seem to be prepared. Perhaps the practice of not being prepared has helped me to prepare in that way? Thanks for commenting...and for the follow! I'm interested in your story about the Zombie movie you never saw, though.

Amalia: Thanks! I'm pleased you enjoyed them.

Nicole: Thanks! I assume Zombies are hungry all the time, but if not, well, this one is, I guess! And thanks for the follow!

Iapetus: Haha! Please don't eat the children. Yes, a bald head would have been a great angle. I'll definitely be fixing that particular detail...thanks for the great comments!

Raquel: Thanks! It's always so nice to hear which lines are working. I'm glad you also liked the first version!

Jordan: Thanks! :)

Peta: I will be fixing it...love the word verification! :D Thanks for the great comments! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Karen: I'm actually with you on the zombie thing. I'm not so into those. Much more of a Happy Disney Character, as my friends say! Didn't you have a very lovely post about writing versus personal character? :) Anyway, thanks as always for the read and the comments!

Donna Hole said...

Really loved that zombie version; not that the original wasn't good. Both made her seem naked with the first lines, so I really wanted to know what skin was showing.

Still, well done. I'm intrigued.

.......dhole

Just Another Sarah said...

Thanks, Donna--I'm glad you were intrigued!

Livia said...

Hahahaha. That is awesome. "And he was so hungry..." Thanks for participating!

maybe genius said...

Hahahaha, love the zombie version. Nicely done :)

Margo said...

Great alt versions, Sarah! I did enjoy the zombie version. It made me picture an "Office"-flavored take on Shaun of the Dead (which is one zombie movie you shouldn't miss. It's actually very funny!)

The rulebook version seemed like a good way to treat this passage in a screenplay. Nice!

BTW, my alt post was late in the launching – I'd love your comments! http://bit.ly/a5PWNC