Thursday, May 6, 2010

Bad Girl Blogfest

Oi. This caught me off-guard--how did the May blogfests sneak up on me so easily? I had a lot of work-related writing to do tonight, and so this, which is from a story I started but never finished, is the best I can do. I'm about to pass out from exhaustion, now. Maybe I'll try and make edits tomorrow.

I probably won't, though.

I think I may have to finish this one, too. We'll see.

Oh, and do read other entrants here. Thanks, Iapetus999, for hosting!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Do you hear something?” Jared hissed.

“Shut up. She won’t even notice we’ve been here. The girl is totally loaded. Her family must be those guys who own—”

“I don’t care what she owns!” He could hear it again, he thought. Maybe not, though…it could be in his imagination, after all. Couldn’t it?

“You aren’t helping, Dude. You aren’t going to get anything for your share. I'm doing all the work.”

“I don’t want it!” He ducked around Phil and peered out the window. He could just see Candace—Candy. That was what she said to call her—as she had been the night before. Soft short-shorts, so that the definition of her legs was visible. She had beautiful legs. “I don’t want it!” He wanted her, not her possessions. He was in love.

“I’m telling you, she won’t even know.” Phil almost sounded like he was going to giggle.

“How can she not? These look like heirlooms.”

“You know about the rash of burglaries. We’ll blame it on that.”

“But—”

There was a soft sound, and he stopped. This time, Phil heard it, too. He could tell. They stared at each other, and crept forward.

“We need to get out of here,” Phil said.

It was too late. “Hello?” Candy was standing in the door. Jared froze.

She was wearing all black, and Jared noticed that first. Even her shorts were black. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her in that. She looked hot. And mad.

His stomach dropped into the nether region of his feet. “C-Candy.”

“Hi, boys. What are you doing here?” Her forehead furrowed, and he wanted to kiss her. He shoved that thought down. He had to do some damage control.

“We—we—“ he couldn’t ever talk around her, could he?

“We thought we heard the burglar in your room, Candace,” Phil said. His eyes were round, his face white—he actually looked believable, Jared thought. He glanced back at Candy.

“So, you two were just trying to protect me,” she said, her tone hard. “How sweet.” She stepped into the dark room.

“Phil—” Jared didn’t know what to do.

“That’s it exactly, Candy.” He could hear Phil’s thoughts; he was saying, Shut up, Jared. I’ve got this covered.

Candy seemed to trip over her couch, and she landed behind Phil. She grabbed him from behind, twisted his head and brought him to his knees, his scream piercing Jared’s ears. Run, Jared. Get out of here.

Candy hit Phil’s head against her coffee table, and he dropped belly-down to the floor. She yanked his head up by his hair. “You know what your mistake was, boys?”

Phil wasn't saying anything. He wasn't making any sound. Run, Jared. “Wh-What?’ he stuttered.

“You don’t know your enemy.” She laughed, short and low, and pulled something out of the pocket of her shorts.

“I don’t understand,” Jared said.

Candy grinned, and her face looked feral. “I mean, it’s hard for me to get robbed by that burglar…when I’m the burglar.” She unfolded the metal with one hand, and held the small, sharp blade up against Jared’s throat. “And you read about the other jobs--you know what they say about me.”

“Y-yes,” Jared said. “No-n-no-no…”

She licked her lips. “That’s right. No survivors.”

17 comments:

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Candy is definitely a bad, bad girl. Jared should've listened to his inner voice.

Great job. I was really pulled into the scene. Bravo.

Come check out my entry. I added to it to placate the disappointment of Donna and Andrew. My first 2 bad girls weren't bad enough, only bad-ass. Have a lovely weekend, Roland

Harley D. Palmer said...

Whoa! That was unexpected! Nicely done!

Amalia T. said...

This was great, Sarah! You definitely should finish it!

Tara said...

Whoa. Talk about a bad girl. Yikes.

Great twist!

Iapetus999 said...

Don't listen to Roland...his girls were fine.
Very nice bad girl! Turn's out she's the burglar. Those guys are gonna get it...but it's hard to have sympathy for them.

Nice job! Thanks for participating!

Tessa Conte said...

A true bad girl, well done!

stu said...

Nicely set up, for an ending with bite.

Eric W. Trant said...

Now THAT was a bad girl! I didn't quite get so evil.

Funny, reading all these posts, that the WOMEN sure do enjoy writing about killing MEN.

It's the men who have a tough time writing a chick-whacka-dude scene.

Women. Medication from birth. It's a thought...

;)

- Eric

Dawn Embers said...

Nice. The last line is really solid and makes the entry, or at least I think it makes it. Good job.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Great entry, great bad girl. :)

Donna Hole said...

I kept going "but where's the bad girl". then she showed up, and was well worth the wait.

In some scenes, less is more. This was brilliant.

........dhole

Iapetus999 said...

@Eric: Speak for yourself! My bad girls whack guys all the time! (and by whack I mean kill).

Just Another Sarah said...

Iapetus and Eric: You know, there are kind of a lot of guys dying all over the place, though... it is interesting. I'm glad to know it's not just female writers, though!

Tina Lynn said...

That was dirty. You left me totally hanging! Awesome post. Love Candy:)

Just Another Sarah said...

Oh, thanks so much for all the feedback, guys! Sorry for no individual replies this time. I'm glad she was bad enough for you all. :)

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

Creepy last line! I liked this :)

Amalia T. said...

in non-blogfest related news, I tagged you on my blog today :P