Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Primal Scream!

OK. It's time for another blogfest, and I'm not even done with the last two. (Thanks for the reminder, Roland!) Sometimes I feel like I just keep blogging by the skin of my teeth, you know?

Anyway, this is the Primal Scream 'fest, hosted by Raquel Byrnes. (With more to come--even this week, yet!) And I'm not completely sure what all I was supposed to do in this blogfest, except post a scene that may include a primal-ish scream. Self-explanatory, huh?

Well, I'm not so fond of this, for this scene, and I don't think I did the best with it, but it's from my WIP, and looking at it sure has been helpful. Pulling bits out really make you look hard at what you have, you know?

Here are a few bits of explanation, this time:
-Herrick wants the Stone
-Sallie knows how to use the Stone, and Herrick wants to know how
-they are not at this time known to Sallie, but she can hear them. Whoever they are.

So, anyway, I hope you enjoy it, at least some. Check out Raquel's page to see more, okay? Thanks!

Herrick thrust the Stone into her hands. “Take it.” He folded his hands around hers, forcing her to curl her hands around the rock. “Think.” He snarled, his face inches away from hers. “Think,” he said again.

She felt like he had inserted a knife down her spine, into her vertebrae. Her mind turned white-hot, smoking, and she could see a pile of brown and ash, the ruins of her house on the Outside. She could see Trina, staring in horror at her, backing away, crying, babbling something. She could see Herrick, standing in front of her, bending over her. His mouth moved. Think. Think. She had to think, she had to do something. She was there, and she was here. She saw almost everything separately, then at the same time, then darkness, stars, fire, heat.

Pain, pain, hot, searing—

Circle, sphere, black, white, red-orange-red—

A long spire, a horse with wings of flame, a horse that was not a horse, but moved more gracefully, with fire in its eyes, brown, black—

“Don’t force it,” Amity saying, over and over. “Don’t force it. Don’t force it.”

She was screaming, she hurt, she screamed more.

“Let go,” they said, “let go!”

“No!” a woman screamed, and something whizzed past Sallie’s ear, and it was a knife, and it hit the man who was with her, the man who was Herrick.

She felt something fall away, and she dropped to her knees, to her palms. She pressed her forehead on the marble of the tomb and closed her eyes.

“Get the hell away from my daughter,” her mother said.


Anonymous said...

The imagery is really good! And the POV is excellent. This scene is great and I'd like to read more. I'm glad you shared it even though were not sure if it was right for this particular 'fest.'

Iapetus999 said...

Yeah, I like that. Get away indeed.
Lots of good screaming in there.
Nice job!

Donna Hole said...

Ooh, interesting. What a mental scream. All that tension, and confusion; enough to drive you nuts.

there is a lot going on in this to get the heart pumping.


SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

All of the different, seemingly disconnected words really helped to get the emotion across. So frenetic. I really liked it :)

Eric W. Trant said...

You accomplished quite a bit without going into detail in the setting. That's tough to do.

As stated, nice screams!

- Eric

KM said...

Definitely intense. I agree with the good screams. How can you go wrong with including what's in the title? lol

Raquel Byrnes said...

That was very intense. The flashes of scent and images and fear all drew me in. Only wish it was longer...thanks for participating!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Don't mess with a cub of a mama tiger, right?

Your skill increases, Sarah. You drew us quickly into your hero's head and held us there, making us care and worry for her. Love your last line. Shades of Ripley from ALIENS. Thanks for your kind words on my entry and for mentioning me here. It means a lot. Sometimes it feels as if I'm playing to an empty house.

Have a beautiful mid-week, Roland

Anonymous said...

Very good! Felt the tension and conflict. And I like that mom!

sarahjayne smythe said...

Great imagery to create a sense of urgency and tension here. Well done. :)

VR Barkowski said...

Terrific description and poetic visuals, but I really want to read more... please?