Friday, April 30, 2010

Two 'fests a-blogging

Hello!

Did you know that May 1 is the deadline for *two* blogests? Charity Bradford's baking one is the first one I heard of, so that one gets to be put here above the other. Check out her blog; she's got some cool stuff to say. And hey, she's a marathon runner! Way to go!

Read the other entries and enjoy!

Then second is Lilah Pierce's last lines blogfest...a toughie! I love last lines, but how can I just give them away? I think I have a few, some rather nebulous (which is often how I like 'em), even more so because I am not going to offer much explanation.

Check out the other entrants, and again, enjoy!

~~Baking Blogfest~~

She cracked the eggs open so hard, the white spattered onto her hand, and the yolk broke before it left the shell. She didn’t care. Nor did she care that a piece had broken off the shell. It wouldn’t kill him.

She stirred and scraped, turning up the heat, turning it down, turning it up again. She watched as the eggs scrambled, the white blending with the yellow. As they began to turn brown.

She swore, and pulled the pan off the burner, almost dropping it—she swore again, under her breath, so he wouldn’t hear her. Damn him. That she still cared she might wake him, when she was busy trying to serve him.

The eggs were done. She popped some bread into a toaster, and bit her thumb as she waited. It popped, and she gathered the slices, burning her hand. She slathered butter on, and the first piece split in half. The second was more sturdy, and she continued on, toasting more, buttering them.

She dumped the eggs into a bowl, put two rows of toast out on a plate, put it all on a tray. She looked at the clock. It was eight. In the morning. On a weekend.

She hated him.

She carried the tray upstairs. Had it been before, she would have picked out fresh flowers in a vase. The eggs would have been creamy and delicious.

But that had been before, and this was now. So she marched down to where he was, sleeping in the bedroom. She cleared her throat loudly. He didn’t move.

“Wake up!”

He jumped, and she stood over him, threatening, the tray firm in her hands.

“I was sleeping.” And now he was whining.

“I was, too.” The tray was heavy. Didn’t he understand?

He looked like he was about to roll over. "I didn’t tell you to get up.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sit up.”

"Yes, sir."

"I didn't tell you to talk."

He chuckled a little. She dumped his food down in front of him, burnt eggs, bits of breaded butter, a sad little empty cup she had forgotten to fill with orange juice.

“Happy Anniversary. Now eat your damn breakfast.”

~~~~~~Last lines-1~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lot to say, but Sallie didn’t, and neither did he. They sat, mere inches away, and stared at the sky, and breathed together.

For just a few minutes.


~~~~~~~2~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, there was still no bread or eggs in the house, and Liz told Derek that she was breaking up with him. She didn’t give him a reason, and he didn’t ask for one. He packed up his belongings, whistling as he did so, and he moved out the next day.


Liz wondered what it was like to be in love and to have someone be in love with you.

It was Monday.


She was the other woman.

29 comments:

Charity Bradford said...

LOL, I loved your baking scene. the whole time she was cooking I kept thinking, "oh, man, what did he do?" What a great job pulling her emotions out with the roughness of her cooking.

I loved "Nor did she care that a piece had broken off the shell. It wouldn’t kill him."

My other favorite was the one line paragraph "She hated him". The placing was brilliant.

Did you say nebulous last lines? ;) Yes, I was a little confused. so I read them several times each and made up stories to go with them. #1 is my favorite, but I liked #2 as well.

Specifically, I love the image of them sitting in silence breathing together in #1.

In #2, I felt the loneliness of the "other woman" seeing an entire week stretching before her without the lover.

Very nicely done all around.

Just Another Sarah said...

Hi Charity,

Haha--yes. Nebulous. And it was mean of me not to supply a summary. But I find that I can't bring myself to do it!

However, the stories you invented for each are, in essence, fitting.

I'm glad you liked my cooking entry--it just came to me. And it was fun to write! Thanks for hosting! It was a fun one!

Thanks for the read--and the review!

Amalia T. said...

Oh! Sarah! I love the last line of the second last line bit!!! That is a very few lines to pack such an incredible punch!

Also, the baking blogfest piece was HILARIOUS. I totally wanted to know what went on to have put her in that frame of mind. I think this was fabulous!

Just Another Sarah said...

Yay! Thanks, Amalia! I'm glad you enjoyed them!

The cooking one was fun to write!!

Amalia T. said...

It reads like you enjoyed writing it :)

Christine Danek said...

I loved all of this. The baking one is great. Great emotion.
The last line left me wanting more --in other words I wanted to read the rest of the story.
Thanks for the last lines of Derek. Made me smile she got her justice in the end.
Nice job!

Susan Fields said...

I can really feel her anger in that cooking scene - makes you wonder what the guy is like! And your last lines were great, I especially liked the line about being the other woman. Great work!

Amie McCracken said...

Love both last lines. The first one is so peaceful and the second has so much in it! What's up with the bread and eggs? And the one he's living with is the other woman? Wow. Just wow.

Lynn said...

I really liked the last line of #2. It conveys the state of the 'other women' beautifully. Great writing!

sarahjayne smythe said...

I loved all three of your entries. I really loved the tone and voice and imagery of each. :)

Elaine AM Smith said...

I loved your first last line. Things should be said but sometimes just being is enough.

Mary McDonald said...

Haha! We both have our MC's making eggs and toast. I love how you show her emotions with how she's cooking the eggs. Great job.

And 'She was the other woman.' Wow! Great last line.

Kristie Cook said...

I loved the last line of the baking scene! I'm really intrigued on what's going on there. It had me smiling until the end, which left me really wondering about the whole dynamic. Nice job!

Catherine A. Winn said...

Last Lines #1: This is very powerful. I know that the very last line "for a few minutes" is a good attention-getter, but if I read it without that sentence, I imagine what happens next on my own. I wonder if you should leave it up to the reader to "fill in the future blanks".

bryan sabol said...

Charity, your last line-1 is absolutely perfect. It's one of those rare pieces that is so minimal, yet says everything -- and allows the reader to fill in the unspoken.

Great job!

laurel said...

Cooking angry, ooooh! Very deliciously tense scene. Thanks for sharing!

Dawn Embers said...

Great last lines. I really like the Monday one. Both entries are short, sweet and well written. Nice work.

Mia said...

Oh wow! As I read that Baking scene I found myself becoming irritated at him too. When it said "Damn him. That she still cared she might wake him, when she was busy trying to serve him" I was all "YES, darn him and making her want not to wake him!" It also seemed like a bittersweet statement to me. She wants to be incredibly angry at him but still cares enough not swear loudly. And that makes her annoyed at herself.

Brilliant. I also really loved the last lines #1. So many possibilites, I think its the perfect way to leave a story. With the future stretching on ahead.

;~) Thanks for those wonderufl entries!

Iapetus999 said...

Baking: I LOL'ed out loud. Happy Anniversary indeed. Hmm...my anniversary is tomorrow...should I make breakfast for my wife?
I love the Last Line in this one.

Last Line 1: I like the previous line as the last line. The "for a few minutes" cheapens it somehow.

Last Line 2: Like #1 I kinda thought the last line killed it...I'd rather see it end on "it was Monday."

Well that's just me...Nice job!

KM said...

Okay, this is my favorite part: "'I was sleeping.' And now he was whining." LOL! Loved that scene.

I also loved the ending of being the other woman. Good emotion there.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

That last sentence of your Last Lines entry truly hits you. You have real talent. I look forward to our looking back at these our unpublished days and laughing together. Roland

Lilah Pierce said...

Last line #2! Awesome! I definitely want more. That was a great job, and thank you so much for participating!

Raquel Byrnes said...

That was a great baking scene, but the last line about her being the other woman really got me. Great post.

Donna Hole said...

"Nor did she care that a piece had broken off the shell. It wouldn’t kill him."

That made me laugh. I like it, and the roughness of the rest of the scene. So much bitterness.

“Happy Anniversary. Now eat your damn breakfast.”

That was a cool last line too. Summed up the scene and set up for an indepth story to follow.

I loved both your last line entries. Vey thought provoking.

........dhole

allysonkate said...

Love your last line. Very relatable, even though with only that context the reader ha no idea what it is about.

LenaLothanas said...

The angry cooking was hilarious. Great job!

Jenna Wallace said...

I loved the warring emotions in your baking entry -- how she was doing something nice, but hating it; how she was trying, but failing at everything. Very evocative!

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

You could just feel the irritation rolling off of her in that baking scene. haha!

Enjoyed it all :)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Just a reminder, Sarah, that tomorrow is the PRIMAL SCREAM! Blogfest. Once again, I had to post my entry early due to work constraints. I'm looking forward to reading yours, Roland