Friday, April 23, 2010

Body Language blogfest

A quick draft of a short story I thought up years ago..this gave me a chance to work a bit on something new! Anyway--here it is, rough and tumble, and ready for Harley D. Palmer's body language blogfest! Go check out the other entrants!

(Update to add link!)


Amy had been talking to someone, but she turned, her skirt swirling, and then she saw him. She stared, and he did, too.

She cocked an eyebrow, tilted her head in that way he used to like. Like she was issuing a challenge.

Okay, so maybe he had stared too long. He nodded, and took a step toward her. Maybe he should say something. Or not. It was all so awkward. He lifted his hand in a sort of wave, then let it drop back.

She looked amused. She twisted back and forth, crossing her arms behind her back, gripping her elbows. Just like always.

An elder woman pushed past Tyler, shoving him further even more. He glanced over at Amy; she grinned, and stepped forward as well, opening her mouth.

A wrinkly-faced man interceded, and she turned toward him, dropped her hands, and twitched her skirt back and forth.

“Hey, Ty?” No one called him Ty. He glanced at her; the girl, her cousin’s daughter’s friend’s whatever who was patiently serving her term as attendant, chuckled nervously. “Lana said to forget the sandwich, she’s not hungry anymore. Too nervous.” He nodded mutely.

"She wants you to go and fix the flowers on the pews, though. She’s very nervous about them, I guess. She hasn’t stopped talking about them yet!”

“I got ‘em. Tell her not to worry.” The girl smiled, and he took three steps back, then entered the sanctuary—away from Amy.


Amalia T. said...

Oh man. I feel like Amy is the real love of his life and he's marrying Lana like a FOOL, thinking he would never see her again. I love Amy though. That scene is really cute! Hooray, Sarah!

Iapetus999 said...

Dialog! Noooooo!!

But the part up to the dialog wasn't bad. I really get a good sense of who Amy is. Nice job!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

The body language is definitely there. But then so is dialogue. You sneaked it in. Clever you.

Come check out my body language entry, why don't ya? Have a great weekend, Roland

Donna Hole said...

Ah, forbidden love. That just tears a person apart.

Nicely done Sarah.


Dawn Embers said...

I like the challenge issued part. Gives the character a fun attitude and works well with the no dialogue challenge of the blogfest.

Amy Jo Lavin said...

Very well done! I liked the part where you said "she was issuing a challenge." I'd be interested to read more, especially to see if they ever get the chance to have a real conversation (you know, the kind with dialogue). :)

Raquel Byrnes said...

Don't go..I wanted him to choose Amy. She obviously does it for him. Oh man. Great job.

KM said...

Lots of good body language. I could feel the awkwarkness. I saw some dialogue, though. lol ;)

Charity Bradford said...

This was so hard, wasn't it! I thought you did a great job so the dialogue in the second half didn't bother me. :)

Eric W. Trant said...

I so wish I was flexible enough to cross my arms behind my back and grip my elbows.

- Eric

Harley D. Palmer said...

Great job! This was a hard challenge but you did a great job with here so it's okay with the dialogue at the end. :) I agree with Amalia about Ty marrying Lana but really in love with Amy! You gave that picture very clearly!

Melanie Sherman said...

Well, I was going to comment on the use of dialog (hee hee) but instead I became obsessed by him walking away from Amy. What? Go back! Go back to Amy. Sigh.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Don't forget Lilah's LAST LINES BLOGFEST. I look forward to reading your entry. I had to post early due to work. Breeze by and see what you think, Roland